I Tri and Craft

thoughts from a mother of boys, a marathoner, a triathlete, a crafter, a wife, and a scientist


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Motherhood Has Made Me CRAZY!

I have always been a bit overly empathetic.

But Motherhood has amplified this characterization.  And it has also made me project everything on to my children.

It doesn’t matter what horrible thing I see in the news or on TV, I then fear it will happen to my boys.

At times, the fear, is almost too much to handle.  I have to forcibly calm it down, or we would never leave the house!  I do manage to keep this craziness in check.

Typically I don’t remember my dreams.  And I don’t have nightmares.  I do sometimes, although rarely, have deeply emotional dreams, that leave me feeling very sad upon waking.

Since becoming a mother, when I have these types of dreams they involve my kids.

This morning in the minutes between hitting the snooze button I was having one of these dreams.

It was a very sad dream about my child, although it was not about Ian or Sid.  It was my child, in the way that dreams are.  I can’t tell you what happened, but when the alarm went off for the third time, I really wanted the dream to end.  But at the same time I didn’t ever want it to end, because that would mean the loss of this child.

Dreams are weird.

This dream made me want to rush into the boys rooms and give them giant hugs and never let them go.

But since they were still sleeping, I decided to get ready for work.

So today I just want to take a minute to appreciate my children.

Ian playing peek-a-boo

Ian playing peek-a-boo

 

Baby Sid thought this was a very fun game

Baby Sid thought this was a very fun game

 

Ian hugging Baby Sid

Ian hugging Baby Sid

 

Happy parenting

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Happy 4th of July

Today is the day we celebrate our independence from Britain and the adoption of the Deceleration of Independence.

Happy Independence Day.

Happy Fourth of July.

July4th

We will be celebrating with swimming, a BBQ and some fireworks.

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10 Things I don’t (really) miss since becoming a parent

Since I became a parent three years ago I sometimes find myself remembering with fondness our life before kids.  I don’t wish I had that life again, I enjoyed it, but I love being a mom.

There are just a few things I sometimes miss, like stopping by the bar after work to meet up with my husband and friends.  Or being able to quickly stop by the store to grab something, without it being a big production to bring the kids along, or figuring out who will watch them.

While those things are nice, I wouldn’t trade what I have for anything.  Not even for a 1950′ Corvette, or a beach house on Kauai’

1956 Chevrolet Corvette

Well maybe I would….

But there are somethings I do not miss, like stuff that is just highly overrated luxuries.

1) Sleep

OK, so I might miss it sometimes, but really who needs it?  We can sleep when we are dead, right?  Losing sleep means that I am there for my kids when they need me, no matter when it is.  If they are scared, hungry or just can’t sleep, they know they can come to me for comfort.  Sometimes they just need me to hold them while they sleep.

Sleeping Baby Sid

2) Warm meals

While it has been a while since I have been able to eat my dinner while it is still warm, I know my child is.  I know he is eating a warm healthy (sometimes just healthyish) meal because I am taking the time to feed him.  He might not always want it, and fights me about eating it, but I know he is well nourished.  When you have to feed two kids, the last thing you get to do is feed yourself.  At least until they are all done, and sometimes after they are in bed.

Dinner, I don't get to eat warm

3) Being able to pee, or shower, or do anything by myself

I don’t need visitors with my hygiene practices but I know that when he comes barging into the bathroom it is because he just wants to be with me.  I know my children love me because they won’t leave me alone.  Besides, who doesn’t enjoy having a conversation while brushing your teeth?

4) Clean clothes

When Ian was a baby he spit-up all the time, now Baby Sid does the same thing.  When Ian started to eat food the spit up on my clothes changed to food particles.  Either from his mouth or his grubby little hands.  Baby Sid likes to feed himself, so needless to say food gets everywhere, especially on me.  Sometimes I would be at work and smell baby vomit only to realize Baby Sid had spit-up on my shoulder.

 

Baby Sid

But that is why we have washing machines.  But all this mess is OK because it means my boys have enough food in their bellies.

5) Walking at any pace I want to

There is nothing better than strolling along at a snail’s pace with a three-year’s old tiny hand clutching your fingers.  Their little legs take little strides and it takes FOREVER to get anywhere.

But I am grateful my son has the ability to use his legs, because there are some that don’t.  I will walk at any pace he sets as long as he walks with me.

Ian walking with Sid

6) Watching something on TV that doesn’t air on Disney Jr

I used to watch crime shows, among other things, whenever I wanted.  Now when the TV is on it plays Disney Channel, Ninjago, TMNT, Star Wars, or some other superhero show.  My shows fill up our DVR because I never get the chance to watch them.  But that’s OK because my son is happy, and it could be worse.

7) Having an adult conversation with out constant interruptions

It is such a joy to be able to talk to an adult sometimes and not have a conversation about what this Lego guy or that action figure is doing.  However Ian usually likes to join those conversations and ask questions, lots of questions.

I love the sound of his voice and they way he pronounces words.  I love the way his mind works and the things he says.  I am always happy to hear what he says.

the boys

“Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what.  If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big.  Because to them all of it has been big stuff.”  ~ Catherine M. Wallace

8) Carrying only my purse

Gone are the days where I can grab my coat and purse then leave the house. Now I have more bags than I have hands to carry them.

I must make sure to get whatever the boys might need as we away from the house.  Will Ian need a snack or a change of clothes?  Will Baby Sid need a bottle, or will I be able to nurse him?  If I feed him a bottle I will need to pump, so I must bring that too.

Diapers, bibs, burp cloths, clothes, snacks, drinks, toys, stroller, camera, pump….

9) Getting ready to leave the house in 5 minutes

Getting all the things mentioned above takes time.  I have to carefully plan ahead and prepare.  Check the diaper bag for the necessities.  Get the food or bottles together and so forth.

Maybe I over-prepare but at least I know we will be ready to face whatever the day brings.

 

Ian

Plus it takes some time to look this stylish, and Ian has to gather all the things he needs to bring.

10) My sanity

Really though, who needs it?

While they might have stolen my sanity, I am sure happier for it.

 


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Regrets? Nope, not me, not a one!

This Kid!

Ian, held by dad, boogieing on the dance floor

Ian, held by dad, boogieing on the dance floor

I can not even begin to tell you me feelings for this little boy.  I try not to get all mushy but the other night reminded me how lucky I am to have him.

My son is not the best eater.

Yes, family members, he gets that from me.

It’s not that he won’t eat, well not really.  He doesn’t like to eat, the process, the concept, whatever it is, he doesn’t like it.

I can work with a picky eater, but that is not really what his issue is.

He is a squirrel.  He puts food in his cheek, chewing on it forever.  In the past I have found bacon still in his mouth hours after breakfast was over.

This is particularly frustrating at dinner time.  I think I am a very patient person, but even this behavior gets to me after a while.

So here we are Monday night.  I wasn’t feeling well, my husband was elsewhere, Sid was teething and grumpy, it was very hot in our house.

After finally getting dinner made and on the table, I had to feed myself, Baby Sid, who is a very unhappy little baby, and now Ian won’t swallow his food.

I had to get upset with him and put him to bed, which makes him upset and then he tells me he will finish, then he does well for a minute and back again.  Then I get upset again…

It is a vicious cycle.

So after finally getting him feed, the baby feed and asleep and all the other crap I had to do, it was about 9:30 or 10 o’clock and Ian was still awake.

He came out of his room and said “Mama, you lay wit me?”

Normally I don’t, because I don’t want him to depend on me to go to sleep.  But tonight I gave in, we had a hard night and I am ever so paranoid about him feeling unloved or abandoned or some other sad emotion.

After laying there for a few minutes he is starting to drift off.  He reaches over and touches my arm.  Those little fingers travel down to my hand and clasps it.

After a few minutes he wants to roll on to his side so he takes my hand and transfer it to the other one before letting go.

And then he drifts off to sleep.

My cousin took pictures of us when I was pregnant with Baby Sid

My cousin took pictures of us when I was pregnant with Baby Sid

My heart just melted.

Here I am, thinking I have ruined my child’s psyche by fighting with him over dinner.  I wonder how he will forgive me for making dinner time an unpleasant event  and he doesn’t even think about it.

He just knows that I am his mom and I love him no matter what and he loves me with equal fervor.  And that he wanted me near him when he went to bed and I was there for him.

Life just doesn’t get better than this.

My aunt took this at their Christmas party this past year

My aunt took this at their Christmas party this past year

So, no I have no regrets about my life and the decisions I made.  Because every step I took brought me to where I am today and standing next to me is the family that I cherish with every breath I take.

These boys complete me.

Happy Parenting

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