I can not even begin to tell you me feelings for this little boy. I try not to get all mushy but the other night reminded me how lucky I am to have him.
My son is not the best eater.
Yes, family members, he gets that from me.
It’s not that he won’t eat, well not really. He doesn’t like to eat, the process, the concept, whatever it is, he doesn’t like it.
I can work with a picky eater, but that is not really what his issue is.
He is a squirrel. He puts food in his cheek, chewing on it forever. In the past I have found bacon still in his mouth hours after breakfast was over.
This is particularly frustrating at dinner time. I think I am a very patient person, but even this behavior gets to me after a while.
So here we are Monday night. I wasn’t feeling well, my husband was elsewhere, Sid was teething and grumpy, it was very hot in our house.
After finally getting dinner made and on the table, I had to feed myself, Baby Sid, who is a very unhappy little baby, and now Ian won’t swallow his food.
I had to get upset with him and put him to bed, which makes him upset and then he tells me he will finish, then he does well for a minute and back again. Then I get upset again…
It is a vicious cycle.
So after finally getting him feed, the baby feed and asleep and all the other crap I had to do, it was about 9:30 or 10 o’clock and Ian was still awake.
He came out of his room and said “Mama, you lay wit me?”
Normally I don’t, because I don’t want him to depend on me to go to sleep. But tonight I gave in, we had a hard night and I am ever so paranoid about him feeling unloved or abandoned or some other sad emotion.
After laying there for a few minutes he is starting to drift off. He reaches over and touches my arm. Those little fingers travel down to my hand and clasps it.
After a few minutes he wants to roll on to his side so he takes my hand and transfer it to the other one before letting go.
And then he drifts off to sleep.
My heart just melted.
Here I am, thinking I have ruined my child’s psyche by fighting with him over dinner. I wonder how he will forgive me for making dinner time an unpleasant event and he doesn’t even think about it.
He just knows that I am his mom and I love him no matter what and he loves me with equal fervor. And that he wanted me near him when he went to bed and I was there for him.
Life just doesn’t get better than this.
So, no I have no regrets about my life and the decisions I made. Because every step I took brought me to where I am today and standing next to me is the family that I cherish with every breath I take.
These boys complete me.